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March 30, 2007
Hurtling through open space in a big metal tube
Tomorrow is travel day. I hate flying. As soon as I get done goofing off online tonight I have to pack up this machine and cram it in one of my roll bags. I hate flying. Tomorrow night will apparently be a whirlwind of drinking, random driving and potential bear encounters. I hate flying. Two months of random activities, bits of gamage, talking in a bad accent at strange people, and more smoke than I'll know what to do with (though I can come up with a few ideas...).
I hate flying.
Filed under "Places other than Texas" by damyano at 11:55 PM | Comments (1)
Entirely too much television
I hate that fucking commercial for Skittles with the singing rabbit. It makes me want to kill. Not just the rabbit, but the shit pole who inflicted that horror on me. That's right, Mr. Advertising Dickweed - you are going to pay for this one. I'm going to plant your battered carcass next to the guy who did that stupid screaming children BMW commercial. Hell, I bet it's the same damn guy!
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 12:14 AM | Comments (0)
March 29, 2007
The curse continues
After picking up Weezer at the vet's today I couldn't stand it anymore and I ran into Muleshoe to get another couple of Pirates packs. I know, obsessive. So guess what - I finally got a sea monster!
[Insert happy dance, suddenly interrupted by scratching of record]
The problem is, I can't put the damn thing together without breaking it. You have to have tiny little preemie fingers to put the tentacle things on the base, and I really don't think I'm going to find a premature baby with enough manual dexterity to assemble a plastic sea monster.
Damn you Davey Jones!
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 11:07 PM | Comments (1)
Murder in mind
I missed Wednesday's showing of Top Design, thanks to devil weather, so I had to catch it tonight. I just found out that Goil got eliminated and that horrid cow Carisa is still in. HATE HER! Yes, I realize that Goil's design wasn't awesome or anything, but I hate Carisa and she needs to go.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)
March 28, 2007
Answers to questions you'd never ask
Another MySpace survey. It seems that's the only place I get them from. 1. Someone knocks on your door at 2 a.m., who do you want it to be?Not Hannibal Lector.
2. Your boss tells you he/she will give you a $20 raise if you'll do your job naked would you stay?
Actually, I kinda already do my job naked - I'm a human housecat.
3. Put yourself in a nutshell:
No.
4. ever seen a ghost?
Not really. I've seen ghost-like things, but they could have been optical illusions, manifestations of boredom, or evil entities that couldn't be bothered to corrupt me any further just as easily as they could have been dead people.
5. Happy with your body?
More or less. I need to have a little less of it.
6. A reason you would move to Illinois:
It picked itself up and moved somewhere more interesting.
7. A place you've lived that you miss:
Actually, since I revisit where I grew up every year, and that's the only other place I've lived that I can remember, no I don't have one.
8. A job you would never do no matter how much you were paid:
Teach. I don't have the patience for it. Oh, and I hate people.
9. A band you thought was cool when you were 13?
I'm straining my memory... Thinking really hard... Can't come up with anything. I had no taste at the time anyway.
10. You have a nightmare, who's the first person you think to call?
Nobody. Why should I bother someone else with my mutant mindfarts?
11. Wanna have kids before you're 30?
I eat children.
12. A memory from high school?
Being called Mr. Smoke-your-breakfast by one of the teachers (not one of mine though) because I looked like a stoner. Which I wasn't, at the time.
13. Ever had a crush on one of your friend's parents?
Crush... no.
14. Naughtiest thing you've done at work?
Worked at Faire - it's inherently naughty!
15. Do you look more like your mom, or your dad?
Only on alternate Thursdays.
16. Something you've always wanted to learn how to do:
Avoid questions like this.
18. Where you'd like to be in 10 years:
Above ground.
19. Something you learned about yourself this year:
I can survive randomly chatting up total strangers.
20. What do you want for your birthday?
Cake, ice cream, and a gigantic pile of great DVDs and CDs.
[the survey thinks I'm hard of hearing now and starts screaming]
21. NAME THREE THINGS YOU DID TODAY?
1)got out of bed
2)peed
3)exhaled
22. LAST ITEM YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF?
A Subway sammich and some crumb donuts
23. DO U HAVE AN ORNAMENT HANGING FROM UR REARVIEW??
No.
24.WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
An oatmeal square and some milk.
25. Name a celeb you love?
I don't love any celebrity, but I would certainly shag Jaime Hyneman senseless if he ever got into darting range.
26. NAME THE LAST THREE BANDS YOU SAW LIVE?
Garth Brooks (shut up)
Lush
The Dambuilders
(I don't really do the whole live show thing, and this list doesn't include local type bands because that gets all nebulous for me.)
27. HOW MANY HOURS OF SLEEP DO YOU GET A NIGHT?
Many.
28. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TIED UP?
Once or twice. But not in a sex way.
29. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU WERE DOING RIGHT NOW?
Eating something sweet. I've been having the most horrible cravings lately.
30. WHOS THE FIRST PERSON IN YOUR PHONE BOOK ON YOUR CELL?
Satan.
31. LAST TIME YOU WITNESSED A FIGHT?
I don't know, don't care for that sort of thing. At least, not in a reality context.
32. WHAT WAS THE LAST ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE YOU DRANK?
Razz Rum + Black and Blue Berry Brew. It's so tasty!
33. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HAIR PULLED?
Fuck no.
34. name three places you would like to visit
Japan, Hawaii, Amsterdam
35. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO ICE SKATE?
No.
37. NAME SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE THAT'S OUT OF THE ORDINARY?
Men with facial hair.
39. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BRAD PITT?
He's an actor. That's about as much as I think of him. He was amusing in 12 Monkeys.
[and now the screaming ends]
40. Name a friend you have the most in common with?
I don't know which friend I have the most in common with. I share many commonalities with my friends and many dissimilarities, but I don't have it in me to quantify them.
42. Last person you talked with on the phone?
The Tornado.
[SCREAMING AGAIN!]
43. DO YOU OWN ANYTHING WITH A SKULL ON IT?
There's one hanging on the wall right here.
44. HAVE YOU TRAVELED TO EUROPE?
Dude, I have never been out of the continental US in my life, so Europe is right out.
46. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?
Blow Dry on IFC. Only I didn't watch the whole thing cuz I taped it for the hubby. But I've seen it before anyway. It's cool, you should watch it.
47. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR LAST KISS?
Lying in bed.
49. LAST BOARD GAME YOU PLAYED?
Fuck if I know.
51. EVER HAD A BLACK EYE?
Probably, a long long time ago.
52. WHERE DO YOU RENT YOUR MOVIES?
From homeless people that hang out behind the grocery store.
54. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE IN PRISON?
I imagine I know a couple people in prison. If they're not in there now they were, or will be soon.
Filed under "Questionable behavior" by damyano at 03:33 AM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2007
Eunuch
I had to take Weezer in to get fixed today. He hated being in the box - just wait til he finds out what happens when they let him out. I'll be picking him up on Thursday. I was good today and did not go to Alco to buy more stupid Pirates packs. I was tempted though.
Filed under "Living in Texas" by damyano at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)
March 26, 2007
Some good news
Mr. J, our friend from Farwell who had the heart attack, is doing better now. He's been moved to a rehab place where he's expected to be recovering for another month or so. That's pretty much it, just figured y'all would like to know.
Filed under "Living in Texas" by damyano at 06:49 PM | Comments (0)
Family is an accident
I have tremendous amounts of baggage regarding the whole issue of family. I'm not really all that bogged down with the same issues that most people have with family - as far as I'm concerned, being related to someone lends about the same amount of responsibility and connection as sitting next to someone on a bus - they're both random accidents of cosmic chance to me. But the idea that genetic closeness and legal ceremony imparts some sort of necessary and sacred bond is ingrained into human interaction and people tend to get all weirded out when you don't conform to this. It's one thing to have some anti-family feelings when you come from a totally fucked up situation - this still comes across as a strong bond, even if it is one of hate and despair. But being ambivalent about one's relations because you don't see them as fundamentally more than 'casual' relations seems to be something that a lot of people can't quite wrap their minds around.
See, it's like this for me - when I was really little, before I even remember it in fact, my biologicals got deevorced and I got moved from one coast to the other to live out the chaos that turned out to be my life. Growing up, my dad was this guy who showed up on random occasions to say hi and drop off a gift or something. Don't read any negativity into that statement, because there is none - it was what it was, and I'm not complaining. My mom remarried, and this guy was an asshole. He didn't last long. My mom remarried again - by this time the whole notion of a father figure was pretty much ruined for me. This guy had a personality similar to mine, but his views were pretty much on the exact opposite end of the spectrum - there was no way we were going to get along, at least on any sort of friendly level. We managed to live though, and that's that.
Well, except for the whole instant family thing. Before this I was the baby of a set of three. Once stepdad part II came along suddenly I had a whole passel of new older brothers and sisters, several of them married, several with kids - I was an instant uncle, and the baby of a very large family. For the most part my new step brothers treated me like shit, yet were happy to let their kids' new uncle, being just a few years older than his new nephews and nieces, be a quasi-babysitter because that's who I got to play with. The thrill of this wore off after a while, because I'm certain I was being badmouthed to several of the nephews behind the scenes and they started being little assholes to me too. As a teenager, having these little shits insist that they could come into my room and be fuckers to me was annoying, doubly so when their parents couldn't understand why I didn't want to play with their rude asshole children.
This is one reason why the whole gay thing took me so long to get. I assumed that being gay was bad and wrong, because that's what everyone and everything was telling me, so constant sly (and not so sly) inferences from the stepbrother asshole parade automatically made me shun the notion. It was bad, having these adults give me shit about it was hurtful, so I would simply not be this bad and hurtful thing. I feel a little warped by it - I have all kinds of self esteem issues because I was the new worthless little baby that these adults had to put up with because their father decided he wanted to have a family beyond their mother. (I have no idea what was up with their family life before their dad married my mom, but from little clues I've gathered it apparently wasn't an exciting and happy Hallmark moment.) So after years of denial and constant questioning of my own motives and thoughts, I finally decided that isolating myself from everyone was the best way to deal with living. My friends from that time (most of whom are truly my family now) can attest that I was a conflicted, whining little shit who couldn't manage to figure out why being alive was so difficult.
It's around this time, right when I was finally starting to break through years worth of walls I'd built up around myself, that my dad decided he needed to come into my life and straighten me out. He'd done this very thing with my middle sister, bringing her to Texas and making her go through all those important steps into adulthood. Whether this worked for her and made her a happy and well balanced person is not my story to tell - I can assure you that it would not have done me any good. The only people who had any idea where I was in life were the people that had, for whatever reason, decided to be my close circle of friends and to stick by me and let me whine and complain and cry when I couldn't quite get past yet another self-imposed obstacle. I don't make friends easily (mainly because I do not trust human beings - big surprise), so being torn away from the few I'd managed to keep around would have been the worst thing for me. Explaining this to my dad would be a pointless venture, so I hid when he came to get me. He's only mentioned the incident once since, and he is of the opinion that my stepdad was being an asshole for letting me get away from him. I just keep my mouth shut. (I don't tell my dad anything, I just sit there and nod. It saves me a lot of headaches.)
So now here I am, in this weird floating state of being. I just don't really feel all that tied to other people, partly because of that wordy mess of bitching above, and partly because I live in my own head and am tremendously self involved. It isn't that I hate my family or that I want to avoid them, because I don't. It annoys my dad that my sisters and I aren't constantly touching base and making sure we have an encyclopedic knowledge of the whole family's doings. He doesn't get that we're not wired that way. These people to whom I am related, through blood or through certificates of legally recognized relationship, are just more people in the world - these arbitrary connections are just conversation points to me. I haven't had a lot of contact with the step-siblings in years. I got along well with most of the new step-sisters, and am happy to spend time in their company if the circumstances arise. (One was a total bitch to me and she had better not try and nice me up ever in the future. Her husband can fuck himself with a red hot poker too.) The step brothers, I remain civil with them if we ever cross paths, but I'm not going to pretend to be friendly. They probably have no idea that they wrenched me so out of true when I was just a kid, and if I were stupid enough to bring it up they'd just call me a whining pussy anyway. They can fuck themselves. I haven't seen hide nor hair of any nephew or niece from them since I was a teenager, and honestly I don't plan to go out of my way to. Nothing personal - I don't begrudge any of these people much (exceptions are noted, of course), I'm just not all that involved. I don't think they give much of a shit about me either.
I'll be packing this week for my annual trip out to California. I make sure to trip out to the house where I grew up and visit there, but I stay with friends. It's just easier that way. I have a couple cute purses in my carry on, with candy and stuffed bunnies and other fun easter things to give to my nieces. I try to be good to them, I try to be patient and interesting. I put more effort (which is still admittedly not a great deal) into my relationship with these two girls than I ever really have with any of the people I've been so accidentally connected to. I see small fragments of myself as a child in them, and it's scary. Sometimes, in fact, I see the other adults in their lives doing things that bothered or hurt me when I was little - I get the urge to say something about it sometimes, but I know it's pointless. I don't have kids (and never ever will, you can bet on that - kids, like dogs, are great when they're someone else's) so I'm not allowed to have any sort of opinion on how they're treated or raised or regarded. But seeing these things with my own eyes, happening to someone else in the same situation I was in, shows me that I wasn't so wrong to be unhappy about it when it was happening to me. I just hope they deal with it better than I did.
Filed under "It's all about me" by damyano at 03:00 PM | Comments (0)
Missed it by that much
Well I was going to post one of those '100 things' memeages as my 100th post, but I spaced it. I don't really have it in me to compile a list of 100 cleverly arranged miscellaneous facts about myself anyway, and I'm sure that around 60 or so I'd start reaching for things worth adding to the list. So instead, as the mood takes me, I'll just post a few longer musings about my past. This should satisfy my need to have something a little more substantial than a paragraph reaction to some random stimulus, and my urge to talk about myself.
Filed under "Self referential topic" by damyano at 02:33 PM | Comments (0)
The whole lagging behind everyone else movie review thing
There wasn't much on this afternoon, so I switched over to the PPV listings to see if there was anything worth catching. I'd wanted to watch the Covenant when it came out, but managed to miss it. Pretty much like I miss almost everything in the theater. Anyway, so I hit the buy button and we watched it. It wasn't bad. In fact, I expected it to be kinda cheesy and lame, but it had some actual plot to it. The special effects were nice, some of the ideas kinda clicked for me. All in all it was worth the watch. And it makes for a good recommendation to Mage players if they can't figure out what to do with the forces sphere.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 05:37 AM | Comments (0)
March 24, 2007
Our history is evaporating
Okay, the title is a little melodramatic for what I'm about to say here. See, I was watching TV (big surprise) and caught a commercial for Trix cereal. Those of you with TiVo or the equivalent have probably boop-booped your way past it. It seems that the new big thing is that Trix has a new shape - they're round little puffs now. Wow, how new and interesting and totally unexpected that is! Except for the fact that Trix was multicolored fruit flavored rabbit poops when I was a kid. Do the shitpoles who do marketing on this stuff really think the parents of the kids today aren't going to notice this lame ass sleight of hand?
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 01:34 PM | Comments (1)
Weather of DOOM
The hubby comes home yesterday and lets me know that we're under a tornado watch. Gee, big surprise that I get a little tense about this. Now a tornado watch only means that the conditions appropriate to forming a tornado are happening, not that a tornado has actually happened or anything - hardly something to get alarmed about, now is it?
The stupid Weather Channel needs to be punished. Somehow they've decided that they need to be a weather oriented entertainment source instead of actually showing me what the fucking weather looks like right now. See, they have this Local on the 8's thing that shows you a map with the last 3 hours of radar weather on it, only if they're showing one of their amazing entertainment programs, the locals are entirely optional. They're always playing one of these fucking shows when there is death weather going on.
Cut to this morning, when the hubby wakes me up on the phone to let me know that Clovis was hit by a tornado. Yeah, that's a little bit close to home. We're going into Clovis today (the part nowhere near the destruction) to do some last minute shopping before I plane out to Cali, so knowing that the smiting funnel of doom was that close is just a tad unnerving. The wet weather is nice and all, but I don't think our crop is going to net us much if it's been sucked away to Oz.
Filed under "Places other than Texas" by damyano at 01:18 PM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2007
The weather thing again
I woke up today at nine to the sound of hail and thunder pounding on the roof. It was all about the rain today, with three serious poundings of watery goodness. The hail made me a tad nervous, because that's no good for the crop, but other than that it's all good. We might actually harvest something worthwhile this year.
Filed under "Living in Texas" by damyano at 01:15 AM | Comments (0)
March 21, 2007
Out of control slashyness
Chatting it up with Gryph via Y! and the topic gets a little bit more than a little bit tacky.
Gryphbear: People are so obsessed with Wheeler and Linka in Captain Planet.
damyano: aren't they supposed to be fucking? they sure make it look that way on the show
Gryphbear: lol
Gryphbear: Well, Wheeler is head over heels attracted to Linka, or at least it SOUNDS that way.
Gryphbear: Linka's basically an ice queen to Wheeler
damyano: it's cuz she's russian. she's actually hot for him. or the asian chick - one or the other.
Gryphbear: She wants some with Gi
damyano: because hot girl-on-girl action is good for the environment
Gryphbear: Population control and all that.
damyano: lol
Gryphbear: lol
Gryphbear: Well, 3 boys, 2 women...
damyano: that's a potential brawl if ever I saw one. cuz someone has to bone the monkey
Gryphbear: *bites tongue* It's Ma'Ti's monkey... he should do it
damyano: hehehehehehe
Gryphbear: So that pairs them off nicely.
Gryphbear: Wheeler and Kwame, and Gi and Linka.
Gryphbear: All for the sake of population control.
damyano: at last, the planet is safe
Gryphbear: WHEE!
Gryphbear: But one problem
Gryphbear: What about Gaia?
damyano: doesn't she get the captain?
Gryphbear: At least both of them are sterile
Gryphbear: they won't reproduce
Gryphbear: Otherwise we'd have a lot of zany planets
damyano: you can't call gaia sterile, that's wholly the opposite of her role as goddess of the earth, isn't it?
Gryphbear: lol. She's randy.
Gryphbear: She just needs the right tool.
damyano: that is a special kind of wrong
Gryphbear: Yeah.. she has a real itch wayyyyy up there... (falls off his chair)
damyano: lol
And on that note - here's a bit of 'fan'fic to get you giggling.
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 11:36 PM | Comments (0)
Color coordinated pedestals
I swear, Bravo has up and become the homolympics on us. First it was Project Runway, which branched off into Top Chef, which has now mutated off Top Design, and coming soon to a gay ass TV near you we have Shear Genius. Holy crap people, can we get any more gay reality game shows going on? Not that I'm complaining, I enjoy Runway like nobody's business, and Top Design is at least amusing. (Tonight they finally got rid of Michael, or as I like to call him - Children of the Corn.) But it's starting to get out of control.
And if they do a show about competitive cocksucking I will just die. I'll watch it, giggle my ass off, and give weekly reports here on this very blog - but still I'll just die.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 11:30 PM | Comments (0)
Rerun
I have a couple books in the unread pile on my bookshelf. I looked at them and just had this weariness come over me. I don't now why I'm not in the mood to digest anything new. So instead of shrinking the unread list like I'm supposed to, I picked up Neuromancer. I love that book; I love the whole trilogy. Out of everything Gibson has written I like the Sprawl series the best. It's just so tight and crazy and full of cyberpunky goodness. I wish I could write something that cool.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 04:02 PM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2007
Today's secret word is: 'Atarded
I'm being lazy tonight and preparing Schwan frozen stuff for dinner. I check out the back of the box of salmon to see about how to get it cooked, and it says this under the ingredients list in that boldface type they use for allergy warnings:
Contains: Salmon
Mind you, it says salmon at the top of the ingredients list, and salmon on every side of the box. BECAUSE IT'S SALMON! If you're allergic to salmon or salmon-based products, and you open this box and eat the contents of it, and then you die afterwards from salmon-allergy complications, I believe that qualifies as either suicide or fatal stupidity. It fucking better contain salmon or I want my money back.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 07:37 PM | Comments (0)
March 19, 2007
Plastic obsession
So I ran into town today, not quite at the point of sleep deprivation but certainly within sensor range, because I had some cash in my wallet that I wanted to set free into the wild. See, the hubby doesn't believe me when I tell him that giving me random bits of money is only going to keep me going with my terrible habit of spending it on stupid shit. Really stupid shit.
Like the Pirates Constructible Strategy game. It's nifty, I have tons of the damn things. They have them at the Alco in Muleshoe, and I believe that I am the only one who buys them. I don't think I will ever actually play this game. At first, of course, it was simply the nifty factor - because these things really are that cool. You get to punch out little pieces of plastic and make a fleet of boats - how cool is that? I've resisted the urge to buy more for several months now though, because I know it's just some stupid fad thing that I'm likely to get bored of, and really it's a tremendous waste of money.
This is where the bitchy rant portion comes in. See, the latest expansion (that I am aware of, anyway) is The Curse of Davey Jones. You wanna know what the fucking curse is? I can't get a sea monster! That's why I keep buying these cards now is because I want my own little plastic Cthulhu to terrorize imaginary pirates in a game I'll probably never play, and I have been denied with every pack. It's bugging the shit out of me. I bought three packs today, and not only did I not get a sea monster, I got two of the same fucking boat. Damn you Davey Jones!
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 10:16 PM | Comments (0)
Morpheus denied
Still awake. And not for any good reason either. No, I'm not trolling for porn. (Not technically anyway, since the last big group of pics I looked at were of quite tasty construction workers that actually were construction workers. I wonder how much it would scare them to know that I and several other men are catcalling their pictures from the internet.)
I could be vacuuming. I could be ironing. I could be working on Strange Aeons. I could be writing something other than this stupid blog entry. I could be sleeping...
I'm not in the least bit tired, honestly. I know if I go lay down under a blanket and close my eyes I will probably drop off in an hour or two. And I should, I really should - but I know I won't. I'm reading a stranger's blog (where the aforementioned woof was found), I'm waiting for inspiration, I'm...
I'm still awake.
Filed under "It's all about me" by damyano at 09:45 AM | Comments (0)
March 18, 2007
The reading list moves glacially
I've been reading Coldheart Canyon over the past couple weeks and finally finished it yesterday. I am a slow and lazy reader with most books, and this one kind of dragged in parts. It wasn't bad - some of it was quite good actually, and it was nice to read something by Barker that wasn't another reimagining of the whole Imajica thing. In the early middle part of the book it goes way porno - Clive Barker sure likes to talk an awful lot about pussy for a gay man. The end was okay - it could have ended 2 sections early for me and been fine, but the book beyond that didn't kill my will to live and it still managed to tell a good tale. In all it was a worthy read, though I don't imagine I'll reread it as much as other Barker books.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 11:28 PM | Comments (0)
March 15, 2007
Stamping my foot and pouting
Dammit, I keep fucking up my sleep schedule and nothing is getting done. I don't want to do anything today, I just want to laze around the house and play. Stupid housework. But getting fussy is pretty pointless with only the cats as witnesses.
Filed under "It's all about me" by damyano at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
March 14, 2007
More crazy shit off IRC
I've been doing this so much I believe that this may merit its own topic. So I'm on IRC chatting it up with Scruffy, and we have one of those demented conversations. I'm gonna be a good boy and put it on the other side of the clickle.
[scruffy] Ive never considered myself attractive to women at all, but this chick at subway gave me free avocado the other day.. then the next day she gave me the soup for free.
[damyano] hmmmmm
[damyano] she may want you
[damyano] she may seduce you
[damyano] drag you into her lair of sticky zumzum
[scruffy] LOL
[scruffy] If I didnt jerk off for 2 weeks
[scruffy] Lots of things can happen
[scruffy] It would be funny to have a mom 'afraid of her son turning str8'
[damyano] lol
[damyano] just have her put on a santa beard and you can pretend
[scruffy] LOL
[damyano] a small price to pay for free soup
[scruffy] hahaha
[scruffy] Id be so sad and dissapointed when I wasnt greeted by a fat, leaking rod to suck on tho
[damyano] maybe she has a massive clitoris
* scruffy has trouble breathing from disgust
[damyano] lol
[damyano] you have no idea how hard I am laughing right now
[damyano] I'm amazed I can still type
[scruffy] haha
[scruffy] That put the most horrid image in my mind
[scruffy] Im looking at bear pics to try to wipe it out
[damyano] if I said that to [the hubby] he would probably go green
[damyano] I'm tempted to blog it
[scruffy] My str8 friends from sears told me this funny story once about a whore they met in mexico, across the border here.. that when she spread her legs for them she had a huge tattoo on her legs of an eagle that made her snatch look like they were part of the eagle's body
[damyano] eeeeek
[scruffy] They said they were really disgusted by it
[damyano] I don't get the genital tattoo thing. I've seen a couple dick tats taht didn't make me cry, but those are rare
[scruffy] Really? So you dont think I should tattoo my foreskin to make it look like a gila monster?
[damyano] ack no
[damyano] unless you want to keep me really really far away from you, because I'd be ascairt
[scruffy] haha
[damyano] well I don't want it to bite me. they're poisonous, ya know
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 06:19 AM | Comments (0)
More piratey goodness
C'mon, you know you want to sing this. Check it near the end when the pirate guy does the cat eye. It's so cool I'm nearly pissing myself from giggling.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 06:02 AM | Comments (0)
Whore laugh
I hate this commercial. I want to slap that girl with my 12" sub every time I hear that fucking whore laugh that she does. This is funny though, because at the end it comes out all demonic. Evil whore laugh!
Filed under "Nothing in particular" by damyano at 01:27 AM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2007
I am a whore, and you know you like it
Some random guy Yahoo'd me because he saw me as online via one of my pagan lists. Yes, it's also a bear list, but still - pagan. He wants to know if I cam and if I have pics of 'more of me.'
He's gotten bored now because I'm not waggling my weenie at him. I'm being nice and not pasting the chat in. Actually, it's not worth the pasting, and I'm being a total bitch by even mentioning it here. He won't see it, so I don't care.
How many times do I have to disappoint strangers before I get blacklisted by the random penis patrol?
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 03:24 PM | Comments (0)
Because writing a hundred wordy novels wasn't paying the bills
You'll never guess who is sending me spam now:
C'mon man, I'm sure there are better ways for you to get your name out there!
Filed under "Nothing in particular" by damyano at 01:47 PM | Comments (0)
Blips and squeaks
I've been cruising the music bins at the Hastings off and on lately, looking for things in the used bags so I can beef up my music collection on the cheap. Sometimes I get some good stuff, and sometimes I'm glad I only blew five or six bucks.
I picked up "Last Splash" by the Breeders because I was having a little nostalgia moment. I really dig that album, and I'm glad to have it again. I remember I used to have it on tape, from the BMG folks, no less. But you just can't beat a six dollar investment in something you know you already like.
I found the Pet Shop Boys' "Very" a couple months ago. Pretty good. I'm not a massive PSB fan, but I do like their stuff, and it's nice to listen to something not so thump intensive sometimes. I was looking for a different CD by them, but I couldn't remember the name. I suppose I'll find it eventually - when I need to have it, it will show up.
I had a little impulse moment and picked up "Axis Mutatis" from the Shamen. Again, not a huge fan but I like some of their stuff. This one wasn't bad, but if I'd payed full price I'd have been disappointed. It makes good background music for driving, though it's a bit happy for my tastes.
Today I picked up Praga Khan's "Twenty First Century Skin" after giving it a quickie peep out on the little media kiosk. Praga Khan was part of Lords of Acid back in the day, so I've been sort of hovering over his stuff for a while now. I just hate to make a purchase and find out that I actually really hate it. After listening to a couple excerpts I decided that six bucks wasn't too much to part with. Listening to it on the way home it made for great driving music. However, it's rather unremarkable - it sounds exactly like what you would expect a ravey kind of club to sound like. It's pretty much entirely square beats (thump-thump-thump-thump) with your basic techno-ey kind of stuff over it. Some of the lyrics are... well they're just plain sad. This guy is no poet, fortunately you can just ignore him prattling on and enjoy the thumpy goodness.
And finally, Meat Beat Manifesto's "Satyricon." This was not a Hastings purchase, I got this from Barnes & Noble with an online gift card I earned through MyPoints. The MyPoints thing is entirely handy for me to get occasional free shit. Anyway, "Satyricon" is a decent album, certainly worth the next to nothing I paid for it (because shipping was involved), but I have to say it's not their best effort. Still, it wasn't the disaster that their "At the Center" was.
Now I'm four CDs past my storage capacity. I'm currently just stacking the extras on the top of the one shorty tower I have. I looked for another CD dealie to stick them in, but I can't seem to find a nice cheap one. I suppose I could stop being so cheap and get one big expensive one, but I don't want to just yet. I'll wait until I actually have like 100 discs to deal with.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 01:15 AM | Comments (0)
March 10, 2007
Piratey Goodness
I found this cute little game on Newgrounds, and it had that 'put it on your website/blog' thing on it, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. It's behind the cut though, because I don't want it to slow anyone down who isn't interested.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 01:26 AM | Comments (0)
March 09, 2007
General foodishness
I was supposed to make split pea soup out of the hambone that we got (inside a ham, of course) from the neighbors for xmas. Only I got lazy and by the time I actually got around to getting the ingredients the bone was all funkdafied. Because I was too stupid to just put the damn thing in the freezer. Feh. So now I have the ingredients for the soup, sans hambone, and a friendly crock-pot recipe to make it in. (Yes, I know it says hamhocks. I just wanted to find a recipe to follow for the crock-pot, because I didn't feel like stove-topping it.) I oughta just go ahead and make it this weekend so it'll get eaten up before I'm out in cali.
So we went grocery shopping today. Finally. I don't know why the hubby complains that the food bill is so high when he keeps on postponing our usual 2-week schedule an extra week all the time. Of course we're spending nearly $200 every trip - we only go twice a month! But this time I had basically woke up right when we had to go, and there wasn't any cereal or oatmeal bars, so I ended up going hungry. Bad thing to do, of course, but we did surprisingly well anyway.
I peeped out a twelver of the Lipton green tea stuff, because I like green tea and wanted to see if that brand was worth the trouble. It's the citrus variety, which I'm kind of ambivalent about, but it didn't have that yicky fake lemon taste to it that you usually get with pre-lemonized tea. Okay, so it didn't say 'lemon' it said 'citrus' - it still didn't have that nasty fakey taste. But other than that the stuff is basically unremarkable. It tastes like slightly tangy green tea.
The Omaha steaks have been entirely acceptable so far. The pork chops are teeny compared to the ones we get from Schwan, but the steaks work well enough. They have these zippy au grautin potato things that are like breaded racket balls. Easy to make, but a tad bland - they desperately need a bit of salt (or more cheese melted on top).
Filed under "Domesticity ain't pretty" by damyano at 11:37 PM | Comments (0)
March 08, 2007
:{p>
Why is it that every time I find a Jack Radcliffe clip there is no sound? I keep hearing from various sources that he has a goofy voice (one compares him to Kermit the frog - how flattering!), but I guess I'll never know. This is annoying the hell out of me, because silence is just plain sucky. No pun intended, of course.
Filed under "Filthy Beast" by damyano at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)
Done and done
Passage has been booked. I will be arriving in Cali on the 31st of March. There are other details to be worked out, but right now it's a bit nebulous.
Filed under "Faire warning" by damyano at 08:05 AM | Comments (0)
This is what happens when I get snarky in the #bearcave
So I'm chatting it up on IRC and some demented shit just comes to me. I just pasted it in direct, no editing beyond the necessary formattage. Peep it out, yo!
[Scruffybear] yay. i can play pacman on my ipod now
[Scruffybear] for $5
[damyano] that's far too expensive for mere pacman
[Scruffybear] hell yea. i had that fuckin game in the 80s, and ive already re-purchased it too many times
[damyano] they should pay you for the privelege of you continuing to play it
[damyano] they should be begging you to play
[damyano] pleading, giving burnt offerings
[damyano] because regular pacman sux. ms. pacman is the superior product
[Scruffybear] same with tetris, that shit has been re-sold out the ass
[Scruffybear] Thats the one theyre selling, ms pacman
[damyano] oh okay. that whore still ain't worth five bones tho
[damyano] she's all old and tainted
[Scruffybear] haha
[damyano] draggin her titties around and eating dots like there's no tomorrow
[damyano] you know she's snackin on ho-ho's between levels
[Scruffybear] she has that deep, smoker voice
* BearAZ has quit IRC (Read error: EOF from client)
[damyano] she's a tranny
[damyano] I saw it on the E! True Hollywood Story
* NickSB has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
[damyano] oh great. I start talkin' smack about some lemon shaped ho' and everyone bails out
[Scruffybear] LOLOL
[Scruffybear] sorry, the world loves ms pacman
[damyano] I guess so
[damyano] the video game mafia is gonna make me pay now
[damyano] I dissed the queen of the old school quarter machines
[damyano] my eyes are gonna float around, looking for some place to regenerate my body
[Scruffybear] haha
[damyano] fuck, I have to blog this now
* Scruffybear gives damy a power pill
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 05:29 AM | Comments (0)
Yet another MySpace thefteration.
I steal most of these from MonkeyMuffin aka Southpaw Midget. She is the most prolific surveyer I've seen. Anyway, here's the survey of the moment, beyond the clickle.
1. Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
Certainly.
2. What's something you MUST do before you die?
Ummmm... I dunno. I want to do just about everything. I know - spend several thousand dollars in one sitting. That would be fun.
3. Are you single? Do you want to be?
No. Not really, but I wouldn't lose all faith in existence if I were. Again.
4. What's one thing you will not eat?
If I put anything here Eris will make sure I regret it. However, I have no interest in trying calf fries. That's testicles, for you non-Texans. I am not going to eat bull balls.
5. What color is your underwear?
Right this second - none. I'm in my jammie shorts. However, I tend to wear goofy printed underwear. I have a pair with the Twilight Zone's "To Serve Man" on 'em. You know you're jealous.
6. When's the last time you went out of state?
Monday, when I went to the hubby's ex's mother's funeral. We live right near the border, so out of state isn't that big a deal.
7. What's your birthstone?
Something stupid, I'm sure. I would rather have a birthstoner.
8. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
Not often, usually when it's at the tail end of the carton.
10. Can you hula hoop?
Maybe back in the day, but probably not anymore.
11. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Used to do it all the time because the dead bolt on my mom's place doesn't have outside key access.
14. Any cool scars?
No. I'm not cool enough to have cool scars. Now I have to cut myself and cry while I listen to old Smiths records.
15. Name an old school song you like?
This is seriously old school - "Is You Is, Or Is You Ain't My Baby?" You know you loved it when Tom the cat was singing that one. Every time I hear that song I crack up.
16. Do you talk to yourself?
Often.
17. What is your Zodiac sign?
Slow Children Playing in Road.
18. What makes you feel like a kid again?
When I get groped by a greasy clown that smells of gin. Ahhh, memories...
19. What sport do you dislike most?
I don't really care for baseball. It's boring as fuck to watch.
20. What's your favorite smell?
The scent of singed weasel after a coke-infused bout of rampaging shaggage. Okay, I'm lying.
21. Do you care what others think about you?
Rarely.
22. What do you do when you’re driving?
Listen to music as loud as the others in the car can tolerate. I don't like driving.
23. Do you kiss and tell?
Rarely. Besides, who really cares?
24. Last time you drank alcohol?
Right this very second.
25. Last bar you went to?
Not really a bar type of person. Probably the American Legion post 262.
26. Were you an outcast in middle school?
I was an outcast out of the womb, baby!
27. Are you multitasking right now?
Always.
28. Do you believe in karma?
Occasionally.
29. How is the weather today?
I don't know. I haven't been out of the house in over 24 hrs.
30. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
I don't do stupid things with my cell phone.
Filed under by damyano at 01:35 AM | Comments (0)
March 06, 2007
Thou shalt not snark
Sometimes these jesusy people really do not realize when they're being stupid. See, I checked out this game on Newgrounds called Armor Trigger. It's done by some folks who call themselves Godlimations, and they always use some bible verse thing for their loading bar that when it's done it says "Receive it" and you click on that and your game starts.
No, I'm not bitching about that. Honestly I don't care what your spiritual outlook is when you make these little transient bits of entertainment. If you put enough of that thing in your game that it annoys me I'll quit playing, but generally I just let it pass because I really don't care. No, here's what gets me - midway through the game (which isn't all that great, btw) if you're playing it on easy (which is represented by the girl, another beef I have) your character meets up with some girl who she believes is after her man (who is the character you play on hard). This girl, Missy is her name, tells you that she isn't after your man but instead has found another guy named Nerdy. But no, the character can't just take that - she makes a smarmy comment and then she takes things into her own hands.
That's right, she gets into a gun battle with her competition and murders her! (It says so right in the game - "Defeat Missy, finish her life.") Wow, after all that bible shit you people threw into the opening credits you would think maybe a little "Thou shalt not kill" might end up somewhere in the game. And it's not like the murder was justified - it's just some girl offing another girl because she suspects she's after her man. It's not only murderous and anti-christian - it's misogynist!
I haven't played it on the hard setting yet, so there is a slight chance that this will all be rectified in the eyes of the male character. But even so, that's a bunch of bullshit. Now I know this isn't something that should be taken even slightly seriously, and I don't. Personally I think this is entirely hilarious. But if I were to meet any of these Godlimations people, and they were to give me even the slightest bit of shit about my godless existence, I have right here the proof that at least I don't shit directly on my own doctrine.
[update]
Oh ho HO! Guess what you gotta do when you play this on hard? See, it turns out that Missy is indeed Nerdy's girlfriend, because Nerdy is setting up fireworks for her. But when you play the male (hard setting) character, your midway meetup is with Nerdy and you kill him for his fireworks, so you can impress your own girlfriend.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is fucked up.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 11:39 PM | Comments (0)
Naughty
I've had just enough beer to decide I'm gonna go ahead and post this. Mind you, it's about porn and entirely filthy, so if you object to such material you should not read this. Really, I'm not kidding. This is your one and only warning.
Okay, I have to say it. See, until relatively recently I've been basically deprived of bear oriented porn. Anything in the realm that I would be interested in would be an accidental sighting of some woofy type guy that managed to sneak into an otherwise total twink fest. And then high-speed internet came into my life just at the time that particularly handy links to video clips materialized.
Why in the fuck do these guys say "grrr" out loud? I'm not joking here - I have seen (heard) it multiple times, practically in every movie. One of these dudes, usually the bottom, says "grrr." And I don't mean some growly sound that one approximates through onomatopoeia (that is a hard word to spell!), they actually say "grrr." It's really, really hard to maintain that special suspension of disbelief that one needs with porn and the wacky setups they come up with when you're giggling your ass off because some guy said "grrr." Now I can deal with maybe one per flick. Maybe. But some of these guys keep on doing it like it's hot. No, it's not. It makes me think you take this bear thing waaaaaay too seriously. If you must, please just make a growly sound. Don't say "grrr."
And here's another thing that gets me - the stealth rubber. I know the porno people are trying to be responsible and promote the use of the love glove in their dirty flicks, but if you're going to promote such a thing you might want to try making an erotic example of how one is used. I have yet to see it. Either they just sort of put the thing on, or they do the stealth rubber thing. This is TMI if the whole gay thing works your nerves, but right now I don't care enough to spare anyone - if you clicked the 'read more' link you are asking for it. See, in several of these flicks the guy on top will start rubbing his wanger up against the bottom's hole in a rather frotty fashion. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, there's a rubber on his pecker and he's going for gold. WTF?! Is it too much trouble to show him rolling on the raincoat? Then when they're done (or close to, anyway) the rubber has disappeared and he's going for the money shot. I have occasionally seen the top guy whip the rubber off before he finishes off, but more often than not the rubber just magically disappears. That is so stupid. I know it might be a little unsexy to show condoms, but you could at least try to eroticize the damn things so guys would be a little more inclined to use them.
Oh yeah, the money shot. How I hate them! Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. They do tend to get on my nerves though. There have been several occasions where, after a bout of good (or even mediocre) action, the top pulls out and I'm treated to several minutes (sometimes up to 10 for fuck's sake!) of this guy stroking and stroking and trying to get off so the camera can see orgasmic evidence, and I'm left shouting "cum you fucking moron or get off the stage!" Look, if I wanted to watch some dumbass jerking off I could do it myself in front of a mirror and save myself some bandwidth. There have been rare occasions when I've seen a hot guy diddling his wiener and found it erotic, but for the most part I don't want to watch masturbation. It's a total yawn fest. I understand some guys get off on that sort of thing, but do we really have to have it in every fucking scene?
And my final gripe about the porn genre - voice overs. These aren't so prevalent in the bear porn genre, because guys into the bear thing are also into the reality thing - real sex sounds over the real sex. I can dig on this. I don't care too much about the music, as long as it doesn't totally overpower what's going or or distract me with hellish cheesifaction. But I found this link to a clip that was all about some stupid 70s style retro action. Which means voice overs - they do the fucking in front of the camera, then the two guys make grunty noises afterwards that are supposed to synch up with the action. They don't, they never will, don't ever do this again. It's stupid. It's painfully stupid. It makes me lose the will to live. Stop it! It was excusable back in the day because porn technology was primitive. We have digital media now; we have microphones that you can use at the same time as a camera now; we have editing now, just in case someone makes a sound that you don't care for. And it's all cheap, trust me.
So there - that's a brief overview on my opinions on porn. If you didn't giggle at least once, you probably shouldn't have read it in the first place.
Filed under "Filthy Beast" by damyano at 06:47 AM | Comments (1)
March 05, 2007
Various things happening
We'll start with the gloom report, because I'd like for there to be good news towards the end of this. I got a nice big jesus fix in today because we had to go to a funeral. The hubby's ex' mother died, rather out of the blue in fact, and we went to Portales today for the service. It was nice enough, but I'm not all that big on the churchy thing and there's always plenty of that around here. I'd only met her a couple times, much to my detriment because the woman was certainly a firecracker. The place was pretty crowded - a testament to how wonderful she was. We didn't stay long enough for the hubby to speak with the family; it's tax season and he can't exactly afford to hang around. I know when he gets a chance they'll talk on the phone.
And another death - our friend, who played Lucy to my hubby's Ethel a few years back at the Beast Western in Rialto, her mother was diagnosed with cancer recently and we got the call that she would be going quite soon. Turns out that the predicted week was rather optimistic and she's already gone. I don't believe we'll be able to make it to that funeral, unfortunately. I got to meet her when Lucy got married last year, and she was a sweet lady.
Oy, this year has been doom and gloom almost from the get-go. I'm getting a bit weary of this constant barrage of illness and death. It's everywhere! Seems every time I turn around something bad is happening to someone. So no more of it, please. I will now turn to the good news.
First off, our friend from Farwell is now out of the cardiac ward and in a place for extended care. Things are looking up, his wife his staying in a mobile home on the premises so she isn't too far away and also not paying outrageous hotel bills just for the privilege of being close to her loved one. We expect to be going out to Amarillo this Sunday to see her and give her a bit of relief.
And finally, to hopefully put a smile on your faces - our kitty Lila should be a mommy pretty soon. She's been doing that rolling around and trilling thing that kitties in heat always do. Weezer has been all over her - he's mounting her or sniffing at her nethers pretty much every opportunity he gets. I figure that she'll have her babies just a little after I've left for Faire (this always happens), so I won't get to see her pretty little kittens until I get home.
K', that's it for now.
Filed under "Living in Texas" by damyano at 10:01 PM | Comments (0)
March 04, 2007
MySpace is the place to snag surveys from
I dunno, I'm just in a survey friendly mood right now. It's behind the cut.
1. last beverage:
A Starbucks Doubleshot with some hazelnut syrup stirred in. Mmmmmn tasty!
2. last phone call:
Chatting with RAM, mostly about the high death quota so early this year.
3. last instant message:
A brief chat w/ Gryphbear, about porn.
4. last CD played:
Best of the Chemical Brothers - the bonus disc.
5. last time you cried:
I don't remember.
6. last text message:
My sister wondering why I don't answer my phone.
SIX HAVE YOU EVERS:
1. dated someone twice?
I never really did the dating thing exactly. I can recall one offhand, and no I never saw that dude again.
2. been cheated on?
Such a thing really isn't an issue to me.
3. kissed someone & regretted it?
Not a kissy person.
4. lost someone special?
A couple, yeah.
5. been depressed?
Off and on.
6. been drunk and threw up?
This is why I don't drink vodka anymore.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
Blue, Dark Green, Out of Space.
THIS MONTH HAVE YOU
I'm going to cheat. It's too early in this month to count, so we're going to count this for February.
1. Made a new friend?
Sort of. I mean I met her just the once while we were visiting our friend in the hospital, but I can imagine getting along with her well.
2. Fallen out of love?
Not that I can recall.
3. Laughed until you cried?
Not that I can recall.
4. Met someone who changed your life?
No.
5. Found out who your true friends were?
I did that a long time ago.
6. Is there something you want to tell someone?
I like cheese.
7. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
I'm not a kissy person.
8. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life?
I don't have a real life, so technically none of them
9.How many kids do you want to have?
No! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
10. Do you have any pets?
I am a pet.
11. Do you wanna change your name?
I would like to change my name into a sandwich.
12. What did you do for your last birthday?
Wake up, eat, blog about it, increase the age indicator on a few things.
13. What time did you wake up today
5:30. In the afternoon
14.What were you doing at midnight last night?
Pretty much what I'm doing right now.
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
If you knew what it was you would not believe it.
16. Last time you saw your father?
Several months ago.
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
My lack of world dominance.
18.What are you listening to right now?
Loud moanings and gruntings.
21. Have you ever met famous people?
I don't think I have. I may have and not realized it.
22. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone?
Probably a piece of faire costume.
23. Who's getting on your nerves right now?
Humanity as a whole.
25. Coke or Pepsi?
Sure.
26. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week?
I have a husband, he kisses me every day.
27. Is there any type of music that reminds you of your friends?
Several of my friends have certain songs that remind me of them.
Filed under "Questionable behavior" by damyano at 01:32 AM | Comments (0)
March 03, 2007
Discount my ass
Well kiddos it's that time of year for me to start looking for travelage out towards Californication. And wouldn't ya know it, going through the various advertised websites to find cheap airfare turns out once again to still be more expensive than to just book it directly through Southwest.com. I mean, what a waste! I actually used up several precious minutes of my time, and an unspecified amount of bandwidth to realize that I'm going to do the same damn thing I do every year.
This is assuming, of course that I can't manage some sort of zippy road trip alternative. I don't see it happening, of course, but ya never know. It would be nice if some sort of non-cargo rail action was available around here, because I would be entirely pleased to choo-choo my way out nice and cheaplike instead of dealing with the hell that is flying. I'm weary of flying, to be honest. I don't care for it at all.
So I'm getting things sort of organized and I haven't yet decided the actual dates that I plan to plot into the departure/arrival grid. When I do, dear readers, you will be among the first to know.
Filed under "Faire warning" by damyano at 02:48 AM | Comments (0)
March 01, 2007
Simply brilliant
MS Paint Adventures - one of the coolest and funniest ideas I have seen in a while. I wish I could come up with things like this. Hell, if I could draw decently enough I'd steal the idea.
Filed under "Brain candy" by damyano at 04:07 PM | Comments (0)