February 03, 2008
Rehash
I try to be nice about the whole xian music scene thing. I don't know why, but I kind of feel bad about the reaction I have to it. It's not like I'm all hateful about it, the main thing I've had trouble with though is the fact that most of it sounds even more dull and cookie-cutter than the commercial radio music that I avoid. I get to hear a nice fat chunk of it while I hang at the Java Loft, but by now I'm mostly inured to it and don't have my peculiar allergic reaction so much anymore.
So anyway, the point of this - the other night I caught a commercial for one of those Songs 4 Worship collection things, this time with the theme being country music. And it's the same fucking songs! WTF?! Can't these jesusy people write anything new? Out of the handful of sample bits they played there was only one that I hadn't heard before. That is just so unbelievably sad, because it's not like I'm a compendium of xian music, I just keep hearing these same songs over and over again on the commercials for these dumb CDs.
Hey you people - Jesus said write new songs!
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 01:26 PM | Comments (0)
November 26, 2007
Fucked up messages on TV
If you have the TiVo you probably haven't seen this. I catch way too many commercials, and I think it's kinda sad that so many of them stick in my head. I've had a note for this sitting beside the machine for a couple days now, because I just had to comment on it.
There's this commercial for Helzberg diamonds, where some dude is painting his woman's toenails (they don't get too specific on the relationship, I doubt it's all that important). Then after he delivers his line: "I think it needs another coat," the announcer tells us: "Because you're not 'that guy.'" The logo bit comes up to let you know who payed for the ad, commercial over.
That is grade A fucked up. Oh no, women are horrible materialistic whores who require jewelry in order to maintain an interest in a man. There is no way that personal attention to a woman could ever compete with a rock dug out of the ground by African slave labor. That's right people, stand-up comics and cheap sitcoms have been telling the truth all along - all a woman wants is material wealth and possessions, not a man willing to do something nice for her just because.
Besides, we all know that guy painting her toes was gay. Straight men don't even know how to use nail polish. Sheesh.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 09:50 PM | Comments (0)
November 12, 2007
Moldy old blah de blah
The lag on here is getting beyond sad. Nothing interesting happens to me, so I rarely have anything to blog about. Most of the time when something does occur to me, some bs comes up that prevents me from getting to it. Or just as often, I decide in my stupid head that it's not worth bothering with.
But sometimes these things just stew and bug me and finally I have to let them out. So I'm gonna post one because it needs to be done. But it's just so friggin' old!
Alright, this requires a touch of setup. As in, 'WTF are you talking about old?' Okay - the thing I watched that put this little thorn in my brain was on like months ago. It was some program that I watched in the wee hours because there wasn't anything on TV and I needed something to stare at. That's not all though, because the program in question was old news when it aired when I watched it. So really, I'm bitching about something so far past its relevance that it seems entirely pointless. Bear with me.
The program in question is this newsmagazine show that plays on Logo called In the Life. I have no idea where it came from, and I don't really care. It's homolicious, so somewhere in the contract I signed when I made my lifestyle choice there is fine print that I have to watch this sort of stuff. I'm lax on that too, but I get my fix in. Anyway - at one point they decided that they had to have the grande dame of queerdom make some sort of editorial piece at the end - Harvey Fierstein's gay babblings (I don't remember what the segment was called, and I doubt you care). This is the aforementioned thorn.
So what, pray tell, can her high holy homoness have said that has endured in the cartoon riddled cheese I call a brain? Harvey was going on about gay exposure in the media and somewhere in there he...
(I'm resisting the urge to go all flamey and constantly refer to him in the feminine. It's difficult sometimes - she just begs for it! Sorry about the excessive parentheticals.)
Anyway, somewhere in there he starts in on how many popular shows/movies/whathaveyou that end up with a gay theme (or are just plain gay to begin with) inevitably go for the gay bashing scene. He talks about how this is so sad and wrong, always going for that one particular theme instead of showing gay people in a loving environment, doing positive things, having wonderful lives. Because that, of course, would make rainbows pop out of fundie moron's asses and everyone would would just love their neighborhood faggot. The show he mentioned specificially was Queer as Folk, which did the big first season cliffhanger with Justin getting his head bashed in. (Sorry if I spoiled that for you.)
Now see, I happen to like Queer as Folk. It's totally a soap opera, gloriously melodramatic and cheesy and full of drama and angst and typical characters. I wallow in its soapiness. So having a gay bashing is pretty much necessary - I mean, it's a defining part of what it is to be gay, the fear that some asshole is going to try and kill you because his heart is a black hole of useless hate, and for no other reason that that. Anything else anyone has to say on the subject is a fucking lie.
Whoops, sorry. Got a little militant there. There is a point to this, let me get to it.
Here's what made Ms. Fierstein's rant spawn this rant. Have you seen Torch Song Trilogy? You know, the play made into a movie starring a certain Harvey Fierstein, wherein there is a part where his lovely young boyfriend is - get this - killed in a gay bashing! Gasp! Well missy, I guess you're the only bitch allowed to touch that subject then. Who the fuck do you think you are throwing that hissy fit around when you did the same damn thing? I'm not denouncing you or anything, cuz I really don't give a shit. I just want your little moment of bullshit OUT OF MY HEAD!
Thank you.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 03:05 AM | Comments (1)
October 15, 2007
Feeling snarky
I've had it stewing in my head for a couple days. So far I've resisted posting it because it just didn't seem worth bothering to type up. I mean, it's just the usual snippy bullshit that runs through my head when someone gets on my nerves.
But you know what, it might be funny.
[Note, there has been an edit, if yer interested]
A) Dude, I'm not gonna touch your food. Get the fuck over it. In fact, anything in regards to you I have no interest whatsoever in touching. There is no chance you're going to catch the gay from me, cuz I don't want any of what you're serving today, or any day. And if you're gonna get all bent out of shape because I ducked in real quick to grab a bite for myself, remember this - I helped bring that food to you, bitch.
B) And while we're on the subject of catching the gay - other dude, who thanks god that he's not queer, I thank your god that you aren't queer too. Because I don't want to have to chase your sad ass away from my door every morning, listening to you beg "Oh daddy please I need you! I'm so empty without you daddy, please fill me. Oh please please PLEASE!" Really, it's demeaning. I can't be your pony every weekend, I just couldn't stand the crinkling of the bag every damn time. So thank you white jesus, thank you for not making that redneck peckerwood queer.
C) No, I don't want to play with your bird. At first I thought maybe of darting you for 'research purposes,' but you know, you did kind of come off as creepy. Or maybe I just hallucinated that. I still don't want to play with your bird.
D) On those mornings when I really feel shitty - you know, I've been sick, or maybe I stayed up waaaay too late smoking that crazy hippie weed, and I'm all unkempt and crusty and have to grope around for my glasses so I can see my way to take a piss - on those days, right at that moment, I am still hotter than you are on your best days. And believe me, I'm not exactly purty on my best days, so baby you are downright harmful on the eyes. Get the fuck over yourself and maybe someone will actually like you enough to touch your peepee once in awhile.
E) I swear, if I have to hear one more cheesy brag story about you and your amazing sexual prowess, I am going to barf down your back. It's just so nasty.
[Edit - somehow I forgot one, and I just had to add it in]
F) Okay, let me get this straight - you chat me up out of nowhere, no provocation whatsoever, and you want to know what I look like. I'm not going to pretend that this isn't some cheesy prelude to cybering, but I'm still polite enough to at least provide you with the obligatory profile link. And yet this is not enough for you - you "simply can't be bothered, mate" to do a double click on a fucking link? That's too much for you to manage? Right. I'm sorry, but you've just graduated from mildly annoying cyber goon to completely too stupid for me to continue chatting with. Buh-bye now.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 03:35 AM | Comments (1)
August 31, 2007
I hate machinery
Once again I had to reformat this fek computer, and now it's giving me shit. It doesn't want to read the backup I made so I wouldn't lose anything, so now of course I've lost it. Which really is my fault anyway, assuming that some bitch machine was actually going to do what I wanted it to.
I want to beat this thing with a hammer.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 02:55 AM | Comments (0)
March 30, 2007
Entirely too much television
I hate that fucking commercial for Skittles with the singing rabbit. It makes me want to kill. Not just the rabbit, but the shit pole who inflicted that horror on me. That's right, Mr. Advertising Dickweed - you are going to pay for this one. I'm going to plant your battered carcass next to the guy who did that stupid screaming children BMW commercial. Hell, I bet it's the same damn guy!
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 12:14 AM | Comments (0)
March 29, 2007
The curse continues
After picking up Weezer at the vet's today I couldn't stand it anymore and I ran into Muleshoe to get another couple of Pirates packs. I know, obsessive. So guess what - I finally got a sea monster!
[Insert happy dance, suddenly interrupted by scratching of record]
The problem is, I can't put the damn thing together without breaking it. You have to have tiny little preemie fingers to put the tentacle things on the base, and I really don't think I'm going to find a premature baby with enough manual dexterity to assemble a plastic sea monster.
Damn you Davey Jones!
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 11:07 PM | Comments (1)
March 24, 2007
Our history is evaporating
Okay, the title is a little melodramatic for what I'm about to say here. See, I was watching TV (big surprise) and caught a commercial for Trix cereal. Those of you with TiVo or the equivalent have probably boop-booped your way past it. It seems that the new big thing is that Trix has a new shape - they're round little puffs now. Wow, how new and interesting and totally unexpected that is! Except for the fact that Trix was multicolored fruit flavored rabbit poops when I was a kid. Do the shitpoles who do marketing on this stuff really think the parents of the kids today aren't going to notice this lame ass sleight of hand?
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 01:34 PM | Comments (1)
March 20, 2007
Today's secret word is: 'Atarded
I'm being lazy tonight and preparing Schwan frozen stuff for dinner. I check out the back of the box of salmon to see about how to get it cooked, and it says this under the ingredients list in that boldface type they use for allergy warnings:
Contains: Salmon
Mind you, it says salmon at the top of the ingredients list, and salmon on every side of the box. BECAUSE IT'S SALMON! If you're allergic to salmon or salmon-based products, and you open this box and eat the contents of it, and then you die afterwards from salmon-allergy complications, I believe that qualifies as either suicide or fatal stupidity. It fucking better contain salmon or I want my money back.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 07:37 PM | Comments (0)
March 19, 2007
Plastic obsession
So I ran into town today, not quite at the point of sleep deprivation but certainly within sensor range, because I had some cash in my wallet that I wanted to set free into the wild. See, the hubby doesn't believe me when I tell him that giving me random bits of money is only going to keep me going with my terrible habit of spending it on stupid shit. Really stupid shit.
Like the Pirates Constructible Strategy game. It's nifty, I have tons of the damn things. They have them at the Alco in Muleshoe, and I believe that I am the only one who buys them. I don't think I will ever actually play this game. At first, of course, it was simply the nifty factor - because these things really are that cool. You get to punch out little pieces of plastic and make a fleet of boats - how cool is that? I've resisted the urge to buy more for several months now though, because I know it's just some stupid fad thing that I'm likely to get bored of, and really it's a tremendous waste of money.
This is where the bitchy rant portion comes in. See, the latest expansion (that I am aware of, anyway) is The Curse of Davey Jones. You wanna know what the fucking curse is? I can't get a sea monster! That's why I keep buying these cards now is because I want my own little plastic Cthulhu to terrorize imaginary pirates in a game I'll probably never play, and I have been denied with every pack. It's bugging the shit out of me. I bought three packs today, and not only did I not get a sea monster, I got two of the same fucking boat. Damn you Davey Jones!
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 10:16 PM | Comments (0)
March 06, 2007
Thou shalt not snark
Sometimes these jesusy people really do not realize when they're being stupid. See, I checked out this game on Newgrounds called Armor Trigger. It's done by some folks who call themselves Godlimations, and they always use some bible verse thing for their loading bar that when it's done it says "Receive it" and you click on that and your game starts.
No, I'm not bitching about that. Honestly I don't care what your spiritual outlook is when you make these little transient bits of entertainment. If you put enough of that thing in your game that it annoys me I'll quit playing, but generally I just let it pass because I really don't care. No, here's what gets me - midway through the game (which isn't all that great, btw) if you're playing it on easy (which is represented by the girl, another beef I have) your character meets up with some girl who she believes is after her man (who is the character you play on hard). This girl, Missy is her name, tells you that she isn't after your man but instead has found another guy named Nerdy. But no, the character can't just take that - she makes a smarmy comment and then she takes things into her own hands.
That's right, she gets into a gun battle with her competition and murders her! (It says so right in the game - "Defeat Missy, finish her life.") Wow, after all that bible shit you people threw into the opening credits you would think maybe a little "Thou shalt not kill" might end up somewhere in the game. And it's not like the murder was justified - it's just some girl offing another girl because she suspects she's after her man. It's not only murderous and anti-christian - it's misogynist!
I haven't played it on the hard setting yet, so there is a slight chance that this will all be rectified in the eyes of the male character. But even so, that's a bunch of bullshit. Now I know this isn't something that should be taken even slightly seriously, and I don't. Personally I think this is entirely hilarious. But if I were to meet any of these Godlimations people, and they were to give me even the slightest bit of shit about my godless existence, I have right here the proof that at least I don't shit directly on my own doctrine.
[update]
Oh ho HO! Guess what you gotta do when you play this on hard? See, it turns out that Missy is indeed Nerdy's girlfriend, because Nerdy is setting up fireworks for her. But when you play the male (hard setting) character, your midway meetup is with Nerdy and you kill him for his fireworks, so you can impress your own girlfriend.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is fucked up.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 11:39 PM | Comments (0)
February 26, 2007
Because I feel like saying it
Again, not technically a bitchy rant because I'm just going to let an article do the speaking for me. This is all about how those naughty little words are really not a magical portal to satan's anus. Also, it's a cheap excuse for me to type the word fuck for no good reason.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 05:40 PM | Comments (0)
February 24, 2007
Interesting article
Okay, technically this isn't a bitchy rant, because I'm not going to rant or bitch. However, this is a subject that tends to irk the shit out of me. Anyway, I got a link from one of my lists regarding whether the US of A was indeed founded on xian principles, or whether that's just a bunch of right-wing propaganda (ie bullshit). Read for yourself.
I'm not saying it's absolutely true, of course. Everything is interpretation, especially where the subject of belief and faith is concerned. But it's nice to see that there are alternate opinions out there, that the moralist morons don't have a monopoly on belief. (Okay, so maybe I ranted just a bit. Sue me.)
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 12:16 PM | Comments (0)
December 11, 2006
Technology hates me
So my little suspicion that my phone has been replaced has proven to be right - I just got it in the mail today. See, the previous incarnation of phone had quit working, or rather it would tell me that it wasn't registered on the network when I tried to use it. I couldn't imagine why it would say that, and when I alerted the bro-in-law (who is our phone provider) to this and I got a somewhat vague response I had a feeling that he had carried through on his threat to replace it.
Okay, way too much setup. Anyway, I'm fighting with it. It's looking like we may have to replace the battery. I think I have it more or less configured the way I want it, except for the ringer. None of the ringers on it sound nice, and I don't feel like fighting with it to get it to download an acceptable one.
So far that's been the biggest gremlin issue lately. The DVD player gives me occasional shit, and the hubby's phone is pure satan (I will never use a Samsung flip phone, they are entirely anti-intuitive) but nothing to the point of wanting to take a sledge to either of them.
But it's only a matter of time.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 05:07 PM | Comments (0)
December 06, 2006
Evil commercials
Have you seen that fucking commercial for BMW with the kids screaming over their present? I want to slap them every time it comes on. I hate that commercial. That one and the "He went to Jerod's" one. (Or however you spell it.) Can he please go to "Shut the hell up!" for once? Or the one they've been showing for the new Top Chef - the one they've been showing for like 12 years now, that episode has been new since the dawn of fucking time. What is with that blonde woman and the grunting? Did they get one of the extras from Clan of the Cave bear on the show this season?
Those of you with TiVo have no idea what I'm talking about. Believe me, these commercials make the Pepto poop dance seem desirable.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 04:03 AM | Comments (0)
November 30, 2006
Doomed
This has been bugging me for a couple days now. The little bits of hypocrisy that are considered acceptable by people are irksome. It's just me griping, so you don't have to read it.
The people who insist that Muslims need to get a sense of humor and not get upset when pictures and cartoons of Mohammed are printed are the very same people who had to have Prof. Farnsworth muted out in episodes of Futurama when he says "sweet zombie Jesus." Why is one blasphemy more important than the other?
The people who insist that prayer must be allowed in schools and other public institutions are the same people who want the Harry Potter books removed from schools so that their children won't be exposed to pagan ideas. Indeed, some of these people want children removed from homes with pagan parents, claiming that teaching children non-xian values is child abuse.
The people who insist that there is a gay agenda trying to recruit young people into the lifestyle (a so called choice) are the same people who want to instill their religion and point of view (which are most certainly chosen values) on children as early as possible, so that they will be fully indoctrinated.
The same people who say "Love the sinner, hate the sin" don't seem to have any problem with those who murder gays just because they're uncomfortable with their presence.
The people who want intelligent design and other creationist based theories taught in school - because we have to be fair and make sure our children are aware of all possible alternatives - are the same people who want sex education reduced to abstinence education, for fear that teaching an alternative might harm children.
The people who insist that minorities should "pull themselves up by their own bootstraps" so that they can excel and achieve are the same people who assume such minorities are shifty, untrustworthy people and they are unwilling to help them in any direct way. Unless maybe it's to give them a menial job, and in that case they better know their place.
The people who insist that their intensive studies of the values contained in a certain book show how their particular worldview creates a harmonious and wholesome nation are the same people who ignore the successful results of many of the programs and laws (that they are trying to keep out of our nation) in other countries "because that's immoral."
The people who condemn gays for being promiscuous and irresponsible people are the same people who are doing their damndest to make sure that gay people cannot legally behave any other way.
The people who moan and cry about how today's youth are horrible, violent, irresponsible and pretty much unworthy of the great nation they are soon to inherit are the same people who allow the government to take money and programs away from schools in favor of military spending, tax cuts to oil companies, and raises for themselves. And for some reason, these are the same people who can't figure out how to work the parental controls on their TV, so they want to remove programs they consider objectionable entirely from the menu. How hard is it for them to pay attention to their own children?
The people who claim that they are tired of a liberal media manipulating the public into irrational beliefs and actions are the same people who believe the spin that the religious right, the corporate sector and pretty much anyone connected to the current administration put on any issue to get their own way, regardless of morality, constitutionality or just plain fairness.
The people who frown on my 'unpatriotic attitude' are the same people who want more than anything to make my point of view entirely inaccessible, if not illegal, despite such basic freedoms that our nation was founded on - like speech, religion and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm surrounded by this bullshit every day.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 04:47 AM | Comments (0)
November 25, 2006
Origami impaired
So I got this Origami a day calendar deal because I have this weird fixation with the art form. I'm technically not supposed to mess with it until the year actually starts, but you know that ain't gonna happen. It's a really neat idea, actually - the box lid folds back to hold the calendar up, and you use the previous day's sheet to fold the instructions for each day. Yes, I've already gone through the whole thing. I buy origami paper at the craft store for my decoupage projects, so there was no worry that I would end up using the calendar up before xmas even got here.
Unfortunately I've discovered that Eris' love of fucking with me knows no bounds. I don't know what it is, but every time I try to make something that isn't a cubic balloon there is always one step in the illustrated instructions that is entirely inscrutable to me. It's annoying in ways that few things can be, because I know it has to be some malfunction between my brain and my hands. I tried to make the hummingbird, but somehow I fucked up one fold in there and it just wouldn't happen. I did manage one of the butterfly designs, but I had to fight it for a few minutes to get it to cooperate. I don't want to be stuck making boxes and sad mutant cranes - I'd like to manage something interesting.
Anyway, just felt like bitching about it.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 06:00 PM | Comments (0)
November 11, 2006
I have nothing nice to say about this
Now I know I put this under Bitchy Rants (not that you can tell, but it is, really), but I just don't have the urge to actually bitch or rant about this. I'll just let you see it for yourself.
Filed under "Bitchy rants" by damyano at 12:43 AM | Comments (2)