October 15, 2007
Retarded Sims2 commentary
I'm sorry if this hurts your brain. Yes, it is entirely stupid.
[damyano] sometimes I wonder about the motives some of these people have with making sims skins. they make lava demons and bloody zombies and rock stars
[damyano] and yet, you put them in the game, and they putter around the house and make mac and cheese
[damyano] ooooo, scary lava demon, corrupting souls while he sits and watches the food network
[pris] h
[damyano] I'm just dying to see naruto go to work as a dishwasher
[damyano] my life won't be complete until I see a vampire arguing with his neighbor over the weather
[BearAZ] you mean, the zombies don't even eat brains?
[damyano] no, they eat cereal and toaster pastries for breakfast
[damyano] or, if they're poor zombies and can't afford a stove, they have to drink instant breakfast from a can
[damyano] maybe it's brain flavored
[damyano] raisin brain
[damyano] cuz you gotta keep your zombie regular
[BearAZ] lol
[BearAZ] well, that's assuming they poop
[damyano] nothing worse than a zombie with irritable bowels, esp when his neighbor is munching on them
[BearAZ] I don't think they do
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 05:58 AM | Comments (0)
September 08, 2007
Fish in a barrel
So we're lying in bed this morning, and for some reason the hubby decides he's going to make himself an easy target.
He tells me that he's read some article or something about Dale Earnhart, and he wants to know what the big deal is. So I tell him that Dale was a big race car driver, who came from humble beginnings, and after all the money and fame and whatnot he didn't turn into a giant asshole. Well, as far as I know, it's not like I really pay that much attention to the racing scene. The conversation goes on this way for a bit, nothing remarkable, when he says:
"Well I don't care about such things anyway."
"I know you don't," I reply. "You aren't into that sort of thing."
"Well you're not either," he says. "How do you know anything about that?"
"Because I'm a media junkie. The guy was famous, so I know about him. I mean, it's not like I know his biography or anything."
"Well, I don't care about such things. I prefer celebrities like Princess Diana."
"Because you're gay." The giggling is about to start now. "You're gayer than I am." Then, in a long drawn out hiss - "Gaaaayyyyyyyy!"
"I beg your pardon!" He doesn't find this amusing, so of course I'm giggling now. "What makes you think that?"
"All I have to do is open your closet."
"What does that mean?"
"You have a whole closet full of nice clothes. Gaaaaayyyyyy!"
"That doesn't make me gayer than you."
"It does so. That and your 50 mile an hour hair that you get just perfect and worry if a single hair is out of place. You are so gayer than I am."
"That isn't gay, that's old fashioned!"
"Gaaaaayyyyyy!"
"No, old fashioned."
"It is so gay. And the Oil of Oldlady you put on. That is entirely gay."
"Well I gotta put something on."
"The fact that you put any kind of lotion on your face is so gay. No straight man puts lotion on his face, especially a Texan."
At this point he gets a bit sulky, which of course gets the giggling started again. "Hey, it's not like you've even provided one single counterargument," I tell him. "You are so much gayer than I am, with your Princess Diana."
"Oh come on," he says. "Lots of straight people like Diana."
"Yeah, women." That was too damn easy. "This is going straight to the blog."
"No!"
He is not at all happy about the blog now.
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 05:23 AM | Comments (0)
May 17, 2007
Wu-taw!
Somehow I go damypimp in the #bearcave.
* BazX calls up Dial-A-Ho and has a cheap, fat, black ho with a yeast infection...sent to FFFie's place.
[damyano] ooOOOooo
[damyano] ask her how many quarters fit in that slot
* FaceFurFiend grabs a gun
[damyano] *panic*
[FaceFurFiend] no dount
[FaceFurFiend] doubt
[damyano] don't shoot bovina!
[FaceFurFiend] ROFL
[FaceFurFiend] cute
[damyano] I knowd her since she was a lil girl
[BazX] Bovina Fleischman
[FaceFurFiend] YAY geo is on my monitor!
[BazX] she's the yeastiest!
[damyano] fleishchman??
[FaceFurFiend] he is looking to the right
[damyano] wtf? baker you dope
[BazX> that was her maiden name
[damyano] bovina baker. da dubble b, baby!
[FaceFurFiend] fucken cow
[FaceFurFiend] anyone know dreamweaver frames stuff? I Gotta project and something is not working
[damyano] Wu-taw!
* damyano lays a pimpslap on FaceFurFiend!
[FaceFurFiend] and I am not well at coding frames (as I think usually they are useless)
[damyano] don't call my ho a cow, beeatch
[FaceFurFiend] MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo!
* damyano snaps out his straight razor
[damyano] now I gotsta cut'cha!
* damyano is now known as damypimp
* FaceFurFiend grabs the brass knuckles and the gold tooth caps
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 02:39 AM | Comments (0)
March 21, 2007
Out of control slashyness
Chatting it up with Gryph via Y! and the topic gets a little bit more than a little bit tacky.
Gryphbear: People are so obsessed with Wheeler and Linka in Captain Planet.
damyano: aren't they supposed to be fucking? they sure make it look that way on the show
Gryphbear: lol
Gryphbear: Well, Wheeler is head over heels attracted to Linka, or at least it SOUNDS that way.
Gryphbear: Linka's basically an ice queen to Wheeler
damyano: it's cuz she's russian. she's actually hot for him. or the asian chick - one or the other.
Gryphbear: She wants some with Gi
damyano: because hot girl-on-girl action is good for the environment
Gryphbear: Population control and all that.
damyano: lol
Gryphbear: lol
Gryphbear: Well, 3 boys, 2 women...
damyano: that's a potential brawl if ever I saw one. cuz someone has to bone the monkey
Gryphbear: *bites tongue* It's Ma'Ti's monkey... he should do it
damyano: hehehehehehe
Gryphbear: So that pairs them off nicely.
Gryphbear: Wheeler and Kwame, and Gi and Linka.
Gryphbear: All for the sake of population control.
damyano: at last, the planet is safe
Gryphbear: WHEE!
Gryphbear: But one problem
Gryphbear: What about Gaia?
damyano: doesn't she get the captain?
Gryphbear: At least both of them are sterile
Gryphbear: they won't reproduce
Gryphbear: Otherwise we'd have a lot of zany planets
damyano: you can't call gaia sterile, that's wholly the opposite of her role as goddess of the earth, isn't it?
Gryphbear: lol. She's randy.
Gryphbear: She just needs the right tool.
damyano: that is a special kind of wrong
Gryphbear: Yeah.. she has a real itch wayyyyy up there... (falls off his chair)
damyano: lol
And on that note - here's a bit of 'fan'fic to get you giggling.
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 11:36 PM | Comments (0)
March 14, 2007
More crazy shit off IRC
I've been doing this so much I believe that this may merit its own topic. So I'm on IRC chatting it up with Scruffy, and we have one of those demented conversations. I'm gonna be a good boy and put it on the other side of the clickle.
[scruffy] Ive never considered myself attractive to women at all, but this chick at subway gave me free avocado the other day.. then the next day she gave me the soup for free.
[damyano] hmmmmm
[damyano] she may want you
[damyano] she may seduce you
[damyano] drag you into her lair of sticky zumzum
[scruffy] LOL
[scruffy] If I didnt jerk off for 2 weeks
[scruffy] Lots of things can happen
[scruffy] It would be funny to have a mom 'afraid of her son turning str8'
[damyano] lol
[damyano] just have her put on a santa beard and you can pretend
[scruffy] LOL
[damyano] a small price to pay for free soup
[scruffy] hahaha
[scruffy] Id be so sad and dissapointed when I wasnt greeted by a fat, leaking rod to suck on tho
[damyano] maybe she has a massive clitoris
* scruffy has trouble breathing from disgust
[damyano] lol
[damyano] you have no idea how hard I am laughing right now
[damyano] I'm amazed I can still type
[scruffy] haha
[scruffy] That put the most horrid image in my mind
[scruffy] Im looking at bear pics to try to wipe it out
[damyano] if I said that to [the hubby] he would probably go green
[damyano] I'm tempted to blog it
[scruffy] My str8 friends from sears told me this funny story once about a whore they met in mexico, across the border here.. that when she spread her legs for them she had a huge tattoo on her legs of an eagle that made her snatch look like they were part of the eagle's body
[damyano] eeeeek
[scruffy] They said they were really disgusted by it
[damyano] I don't get the genital tattoo thing. I've seen a couple dick tats taht didn't make me cry, but those are rare
[scruffy] Really? So you dont think I should tattoo my foreskin to make it look like a gila monster?
[damyano] ack no
[damyano] unless you want to keep me really really far away from you, because I'd be ascairt
[scruffy] haha
[damyano] well I don't want it to bite me. they're poisonous, ya know
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 06:19 AM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2007
I am a whore, and you know you like it
Some random guy Yahoo'd me because he saw me as online via one of my pagan lists. Yes, it's also a bear list, but still - pagan. He wants to know if I cam and if I have pics of 'more of me.'
He's gotten bored now because I'm not waggling my weenie at him. I'm being nice and not pasting the chat in. Actually, it's not worth the pasting, and I'm being a total bitch by even mentioning it here. He won't see it, so I don't care.
How many times do I have to disappoint strangers before I get blacklisted by the random penis patrol?
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 03:24 PM | Comments (0)
March 08, 2007
This is what happens when I get snarky in the #bearcave
So I'm chatting it up on IRC and some demented shit just comes to me. I just pasted it in direct, no editing beyond the necessary formattage. Peep it out, yo!
[Scruffybear] yay. i can play pacman on my ipod now
[Scruffybear] for $5
[damyano] that's far too expensive for mere pacman
[Scruffybear] hell yea. i had that fuckin game in the 80s, and ive already re-purchased it too many times
[damyano] they should pay you for the privelege of you continuing to play it
[damyano] they should be begging you to play
[damyano] pleading, giving burnt offerings
[damyano] because regular pacman sux. ms. pacman is the superior product
[Scruffybear] same with tetris, that shit has been re-sold out the ass
[Scruffybear] Thats the one theyre selling, ms pacman
[damyano] oh okay. that whore still ain't worth five bones tho
[damyano] she's all old and tainted
[Scruffybear] haha
[damyano] draggin her titties around and eating dots like there's no tomorrow
[damyano] you know she's snackin on ho-ho's between levels
[Scruffybear] she has that deep, smoker voice
* BearAZ has quit IRC (Read error: EOF from client)
[damyano] she's a tranny
[damyano] I saw it on the E! True Hollywood Story
* NickSB has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
[damyano] oh great. I start talkin' smack about some lemon shaped ho' and everyone bails out
[Scruffybear] LOLOL
[Scruffybear] sorry, the world loves ms pacman
[damyano] I guess so
[damyano] the video game mafia is gonna make me pay now
[damyano] I dissed the queen of the old school quarter machines
[damyano] my eyes are gonna float around, looking for some place to regenerate my body
[Scruffybear] haha
[damyano] fuck, I have to blog this now
* Scruffybear gives damy a power pill
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 05:29 AM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2007
My new favorite evil thing to say
Trust me, after a good ruffie dart he'll spread like he can't believe it's not butter.
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 01:55 AM | Comments (0)
January 13, 2007
It's just too damn strange not to blog this
So some random person IMs me via Y! and wants to run some sort of scenario by me. It's nothing provocative or even all that interesting, but I just had to preserve it here.
stagscrew05: hey what's up? I am ray 23/m/de here asking for your help with a role playing scenario i am working on for class
damyano: um, okay
stagscrew05: it's nothing sexual or perverse
damyano: k'
stagscrew05: ok basically I set up a scenario for you and then ask questions and formulate a story
damyano: k
stagscrew05: ok here's the scenario
stagscrew05: I am 5'11" 195 lbs. wear cammo pants black combat boots olive green mid-calf socks and black t-shirt
stagscrew05: I am an investigator for a community organization
damyano: alright
stagscrew05: you are the muscle for a businessman I am investigating... you are my nemesis
damyano: k
stagscrew05: I arrive at the office to question and snoop around
stagscrew05: you are waiting for me
damyano: k
stagscrew05: do you see me park outside or see me walking towards the door?
damyano: as I am the muscle chances are I'd see you walking towards the door. if the guy I'm working for has decent security I know you're coming before you're visible
stagscrew05: ok I am looking for you and I pass your office where you are hiding
stagscrew05: and get to the stairs
stagscrew05: you come on and casually grab my leg to stop me
damyano: um, being muscle I doubt I'd hide
stagscrew05: humor me... you are the only guard and you do things your own way
damyano: k
stagscrew05: do you get my knee or calf?
damyano: grabbing someone by the leg is a combative gesture, as it could trip them. doesn't seem like a good idea to start out that way. a good security man wants to keep things clean, so I'd more likely grab your shoulder
stagscrew05: this is meant to be strange
damyano: okay
damyano: knee
stagscrew05: how are your hands positioned?
damyano: well since you passed me by, I must have grabbed from behind
stagscrew05: yes your door is near the stairs
stagscrew05: to my left
damyano: then your left knee, palm to the back of your knee
damyano: it should only take one hand to get your attention
stagscrew05: do you say "leg" or "got that leg"?
damyano: I doubt I'd say either
stagscrew05: what do you say/
damyano: "Where are you going?"
stagscrew05: I turn we have been through this before
stagscrew05: you pat me down
stagscrew05: I am facing you
stagscrew05: what do you say as you have me stretch out?
damyano: well, since you say we've been through this before. "Do you really think you can get by me?"
stagscrew05: where do you feet?
stagscrew05: feel*?
damyano: you're being patted down, so this is standard procedure - sides to front, pockets, down each leg.
stagscrew05: do you have me remove my boots?
damyano: well, as we've been through this before, do you seem the type that I would need to do that?
stagscrew05: yes
damyano: then yes
stagscrew05: you have me sit down and remove them
stagscrew05: you look in them
stagscrew05: do you pick up my leg to search the socks or leave my feet on the ground?
damyano: if I'm going to search your boots then I will search your socks as well
damyano: as well as hat and jacket
stagscrew05: do you pick up my leg?
damyano: that is a given, yes
stagscrew05: where do you grip to lift?
damyano: ankle and calf
stagscrew05: how are your hands positioned? (this scenario focuses on leg control)
damyano: as I said, one on ankle one on calf. I don't want you to get unruly
stagscrew05: yes but which hand is placed where and how is the hand positioned?
damyano: the hand towards your center is on the ankle, the hand towards your outside on the calf
damyano: the lower hand is more for control while the upper hand does the search
stagscrew05: what do you say as you lift the leg?
damyano: polite is best - "Please lift your leg, sir."
stagscrew05: how do you search the socks?
damyano: patting them down should be sufficient
stagscrew05: well describe the hand motions and process
damyano: honestly I couldn't. I don't work in security so I don't know how it is done properly. this sort of situation is generally taken as given in a role playing situation
stagscrew05: it is meant to be strange
stagscrew05: come on
damyano: I've given you my answer. sorry
stagscrew05: ok
stagscrew05: do the socks wrinkle or stay tight?
damyano: I would assume they wrinkle some unless they are very new
stagscrew05: ok from previous encounters you know I like my socks to stay tight and you wrinkle slightly to get to me
stagscrew05: where do you grip to wrinkle?
damyano: I'm not wrinkling them, rather they become wrinkled due to the process. it isn't my problem if you have issues, as you can straighten your socks yourself
damyano: it's all organic. I don't actually have to do it on my own
stagscrew05: ok
stagscrew05: that's all I need
stagscrew05: thank you for your help
damyano: k
damyano: no worries
stagscrew05: later
damyano: have a good one
Okay - What the hell was all that about?
Filed under "Conversation pieces" by damyano at 11:44 AM | Comments (1)